MARRIAGE OF SPIRIT

This process was developed by Leslie Temple Thurston, my spiritual teacher from 1996 through 1999. It is an incredible tool for working through difficult issues that confront you. Whenever I am counseling someone and they have an either-or issue, I know it's time to bring out the Marriage of Spirit tool. This form acknowledges that we live in a world of polarities; whenever one side shows up, sooner or later the other side has to have its voice heard. We want more time off; then we get it, and we miss working. We long for a relationship; then we have one, and we long to have our freedom back.

 There is an aspect of the shadow in this work. The shadow is usually that aspect of an issue that is uncomfortable, not politically correct. Joe is nice to us, but we can't stand him. He always has a saccharine smile on when he greets you; all you want to do is scream at him! After conducting hundreds of workshops, I have come to trust that when anyone's shadow is up, it is an authentic experience that needs to be acknowledged. This gets tricky. It doesn't mean that we have to act out what we really feel inside; it does mean that we need to find a way to express all aspects of it. The emotional component could be done by beating up a pillow. The communication aspect is a bit trickier; this is where the Marriage process can help. Unfortunately, the shadow often gets heard by engaging in unacceptable forms of behavior. A spiral begins, and inertia kicks in, and before you know it, there's a war going on because Jimmy didn't take the garbage out. It might start with Jimmy leaving his dishes out. His housemates wash the dishes, and don't bother to confront him. Then he leaves his laundry in the dryer, so the next person can't put there wet wash in. That person empties the laundry, and actually folds it for Jimmy, figuring that he would do the same. These events keep happening, until one housemate just can't take it any longer. Jimmy doesn't empty the garbage, and next time he comes home, his housemate starts yelling and screaming at him! Since no one said anything to him earlier, he is taken aback. He reacts, yells back, and feels like his housemates are ganging up on him.

Let me give you another example, and use the Marriage of Spirit tool. In my desire to put this book together, I was immediately confronted with the realization that I don't have anything new to say. Who needs another system; there are already hundreds if not thousands of systems out there.

So I did a square. Squares are the basic approach to a problem. There are more sophisticated approaches available; for those I recommend the book, "??".

The first thing I did was to make a statement that is the crux of my dilemma. I wrote, " My desire to write a book". Then I wrote down the opposing thought to this, "My aversion to writing a book". And then comes a hard part; I have to figure out what the polar opposite to these statements is. I usually go inside, and then let my intuition sing. For me, the opposite was, my desire to take it easy. And the opposite of that, my aversion to taking it easy.

Make a square.

Then I make a list. I write down all the reasons that I want to write a book. Then I make a list of my aversion to writing a book; and so I end up with 4 columns. Now comes the beautiful part. I pray. I bring into my heart the whole column dealing with "My desire to write a book". Then I go to its opposite, my aversion to writing a book, and hold that sensibility in my heart right next to the desire. Then I go to each of the other two statements, and hold them in my heart. Once I have all four placed side to side in my heart,

I ask spirit to take all of these powerful places, and allow them to move up and out, and be filled with a sense of possibility, to move into a natural harmonic state.

Depending on the gravity of the issue, it may resolve itself after one time. Deeper and more complicated issues require more work; it is necessary to make more squares and flesh out deeper levels of the polarities. I hope you can begin to see the power in this form. It is actually helping us to move beyond our limited lives. It is a form that can help us to transcend the world of polarities.